Anas b. Malik (ra), who was raised at the home of the Prophet (saw), tells us that three Companions (ra), who were very diligent in performing prayers, came to the house of the Prophet (saw) in order to learn the supererogatory prayers that he performed day and night. It is apparent that they were curious as to how our Prophet showed his servitude to Allah while at home in addition to the obligatory prayers that he performed together with other Muslims. When they learned about the life of prayer of our Prophet from his wives, who did not hide their family lives because they wanted to provide good examples for believers, they thought that what they did was insufficient. So they said to themselves, “Look at us, and look at the Prophet! Doubtless, Allah forgave his past and future sins entirely.” They thought they needed to do much more worship than a person who was already a prophet.
Because of this, one of them said, “From now on, I will pray all night long.” Another said, “I will fast all the time, without skipping a day.” and the third one said, “I will live apart from women. I will not marry.” While they are talking, the Messenger of Allah (saw) appeared and said, “Are you the same people who said such-and-such? By Allah, I am more fearful of Allah and more careful of Him than you; yet sometimes I fast, and sometimes I break my fast. I do supererogatory prayers (during part of the night) and I sleep (part of the night). I also marry women. So he who does not follow my sunnah is not from me.” (Bukhari, Nikah, 1)
The Prophet (saw) stated that establishing a family by getting married is a sunnah of his, i.e. his lifestyle, and invited the ummah to get married and to appreciate the value of the family. Our Lord, who created every living thing on earth, plants, and animals, in two forms, male and female (Ya-Sin, 36:36; Shura, 42:11; Dhariyat, 51:49; Naba’, 78:8), also created the most precious creature, the human being, as male and female. He sent humans into this world as male and female (A’raf, 7:189). The following verse explains it as follows: “And Allah has made for you spouses of your own kind, and given you through your spouses children and grandchildren. And He has granted you good, lawful provisions. Are they then faithful to falsehood and ungrateful for Allah’s favours?”(Nahl, 16:72)
Allah the Exalted, with the verse, “And one of His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find comfort in them. And He has placed between you compassion and mercy. Surely in this are signs for people who reflect.” (Rum, 30:21) states that having a spouse is a natural need, and a marriage that satisfies this need legitimately should be built upon love and compassion.
In the Noble Qur’an, Allah the Exalted advises people how to keep pace with the flow of life after establishing the family unit. He shows people why having a family is a cause for having confidence in life and shaping the future. Above all, He wants people to understand what it means to be a family. Being a family does not only mean living under the same roof and sharing the same dining table, it also means sharing the same feelings, thoughts, and ideals. It means to be travelers on the same path and live a life to gain the pleasure of Allah by joining hands.
Family is one of the most precious blessings bestowed upon human beings. It is invaluable to share joy and sorrow and strive for a peaceful and useful life together. But the efforts should focus on what is good and beautiful, leaving all kinds of evil and repulsiveness outside the door. He gives both positive and negative examples of several families in the Holy Qur’an. While reminding those who are like each other and work together in performing bad deeds, and who are oblivious of Allah (of the punishment to be expected in the next life) (Tawbah, 9:67-68), He mentions with praise and joy men and women who become friends and help each other in performing good deeds (Tawbah, 9:71-72).
After uniting with one's spouse, a natural aspiration arises to perpetuate their lineage and raise children for the future. Allah (swt) bestows upon the family the responsibility of ensuring the continuity of humanity into the future, much like how He designates the earth for nurturing life. Within the family, He entrusts a seed from which the potential of the universe's future is concealed: the child.
This seed takes its place among the worldly blessings with all its beauty and earns the love and devotion of the people. Now, the first knot made by tying two souls together is strengthened with a third. The child gives a new direction to the course of affairs while deepening the feeling of being a family.
A child is a precious trust in his parents’ hands. Although s/he seems to belong to the present, s/he is in fact a trust which must be prepared for the future... S/he is a precious soul who is sensitive, fragile, and in endless need of attention and love... As it can be understood from the following verse, a child is a test: “And know that your wealth and your children are only a test and that with Allah is a great reward.” (Anfal, 8:28) It is a test that demands considerable effort from those aspiring to attain the ultimate reward in the end.
The statement of our Prophet (saw), “Everyone is born in a natural state of being. Then his parents make him a Jew, a Christian or a fire worshipper (Zoroastrian),” (Bukhari, Tafsir 2; Muslim, Qadar, 22) clearly sums up the lasting impression parents have on their children. A baby, a gem ready to be polished, has a natural disposition to accept the good and adopt the beautiful from birth. The formation of a virtuous personality who could develop healthy relations with the new world to which s/he has opened his/her eyes will take place in his/her parents’ embrace. At the same time, the basis of his/her religious preference, which will lead him/her to the right way and the straight path, will be formed at the family home.
In the following hadith, the Messenger of Allah (saw) defined the family as a way of “testing”: “Family, wealth, ego, and neighbors are tests for the human being. Fasting, praying, charity, and enjoining what is good and forbidding what is evil expiate sins emerging from those tests.”(Muslim, Fitan, 26; Bukhari, Mawaqit al-Salat, 4) Moreover, it is a network, a delicate balance founded on the triangle of mother, father, and child. Sharing the same house increases responsibilities as well as rights and, as the family members get closer to each other, the great care needed to keep tranquility at home is doubled. On this point therefore, while putting the relations between spouses in order, our Prophet avoided insisting that one party be burdened with responsibilities or have unlimited freedom: “Be mindful! Just as you have rights over women (wives), they also have rights over you.” (Tirmidhi, Tafsir al-Qur’an, 9; Ibn Majah, Nikah, 3)
Our Prophet, by saying, “The most benevolent among you is the one who is benevolent to his family. I am the most benevolent to my family among you,” (Tirmidhi, Manaqib, 63) calls upon believing people to treat their families benevolently. The behavior of the Prophet (saw), who laughed and played with his grandchildren (Tirmidhi, Manaqib, 30; Ibn Majah, Sunnah, 11), gave them a hug and kiss (Bukhari, Buyuʿ, 49), performed a sermon while they were in his arms (Abu Dawud, Salat, 225, 227), and prayed while they were on his back (Nasa’i, Masajid, 19), should be an example for all people.
Believing mothers and fathers tremble inside when they read the verse, “The true losers are those who will lose themselves and their families on Judgment Day.” (Zumar, 39:15) They work hand in hand to establish a spiritual climate at home and to attain Allah’s approval. They entreat Allah (swt) to forgive their families and grant them health and place them among those who are sincerely bound to Him in this world and the Hereafter (Abu Dawud, Witr, 25). They always have the following prayer on their tongue: “Our Lord! Bless us with pious spouses and offspring who will be the joy of our hearts, and make us models for the righteous.” (Furqan, 25:74)
