Courtesy is essential, not only for enhancing the beauty of our character and earning respect in society but also for fostering unity within the community. As believers, we must strive to speak kindly and choose our words with care. In this regard, the Qur’an presents the verse “Speak kindly to people” (Baqarah, 2:83) as a guiding principle for every Muslim. In another verse, it is stated: “Tell My (believing) servants to say only what is best. Satan certainly seeks to sow discord among them. Satan is indeed a sworn enemy to humankind.” (Isra, 17:53) At this point, believers do not pay heed even to possible verbal provocations directed at them. Instead, they respond as follows: “When they hear slanderous talk, they turn away from it, saying, ‘We are accountable for our deeds and you for yours. Peace (is our only response) to you! We want nothing to do with those who act ignorantly.’” (Qasas, 28:55) The elders have emphasized that the most virtuous deeds are “feeding those in need and speaking kindly to people”. As a natural consequence of this principle in Islamic civilization, soup kitchens, caravanserais, and charitable institutions were established, fostering a vast culture of endowment based on mutual assistance. This culture extended not only to Muslims but also to those in need from different religions, offering them a helping hand. In doing so, it sought to introduce them to the profound tolerance and generosity of Islam.
The individuals who embodied the spirit of dervishes and represented a refined civilization lived by principles such as eating little, sleeping little, speaking sparingly, and constantly remembering Allah. They dedicated themselves to contemplating the universe and existence and avoiding base desires. At the same time, they prioritized offering the finest hospitality to others and speaking words that touched the heart—full of wisdom reflecting deep spiritual thought. Undoubtedly, this way of life stems from a person’s awareness that Allah is always with them. In this state of realization, they understood that through their senses and actions, they were continually guided by divine inspiration and protection (Bukhari, Riqaq, 38). Through this awareness, a person perceives the universe with a horizon that transcends this world. It is true that, amid the vast industrial crises of the modern world and the fluctuations in the balance of production and consumption, contemporary individuals, who bear the weight of many challenges on their shoulders, may sometimes view this ideal moral level as an unattainable dream. However, reaching such a state of maturity is not difficult for someone who is immersed in the Qur’an and familiar with the sunnah of the Messenger of Allah. On the contrary, it becomes a source of spiritual joy and fulfillment.
On the importance of loyalty to promises and living in harmony
Courtesy, in one sense, is honesty. Hudhayfah ibn al-Yaman bore witness to this honesty… It is the necessity of faith being intertwined with loyalty, loyalty with fulfilling promises, and keeping one’s word even to an enemy. Hudhayfah begins his account by saying, “Nothing prevented me from being at Badr except this...” and continues: “My father, Husayl, and I set out from Mecca— then under the control of the polytheists—toward Medina. Along the way, the Quraysh polytheists captured us and said, ‘You intend to join Muhammad (saw) to fight against us’. We replied, ‘Our purpose is only to reach the Prophet; we have no intention of fighting you. Our only goal is to go to Medina.’ Upon this, they made us promise that when we reached Medina, we would not fight against them on the side of the Messenger of Allah. Although they were oppressing the Muslims in every possible way, we had no choice but to give our word. When we arrived in Medina, we informed the Messenger of Allah about the situation. He said, ‘Go on; you will not participate in Badr! We keep our promises to them, and we seek Allah’s help against them.’” (Muslim, Jihad wa’l-Siyar, 93) In an environment where the Quraysh polytheists were actively oppressing Muslims, making such a decision was undoubtedly difficult. However, the prophetic teachings emphasized the utmost importance of loyalty to promises, honesty, and keeping one’s word—even when interacting with polytheists. This incident offers many lessons regarding the experience of living alongside non[1]Muslims. The foremost lesson is that faith and falsehood can never coexist.
The Prophet Muhammad (saw), who gifted humanity the Constitution of Medina as a declaration of human rights, established a profound principle of justice within this document. It states: “And the hands of pious believers shall be raised against every such person as rises in rebellion or attempts to acquire anything by force or is guilty of any sin or excess or attempts to spread mischief among the believers; their hands shall be raised all together against such a person, even if he be a son to any one of them.” Through this, justice was firmly established as the foundation of governance and social order. The Constitution of Medina also included measures for coexisting with different religious communities. This constitutional document emphasized equality among citizens regardless of race, language, or religion, ensuring their rights and protection. It also addressed social welfare, mutual assistance, and a system akin to social security, while upholding freedom of speech and belief with great care. These provisions demonstrate that many principles needed in today’s societies were already being implemented in Medina under the direct guidance of the Messenger of Allah.
The account of Sulaym ibn Amir from the Himyar tribe provides a profound understanding of the importance Islam places on honesty and courtesy. There was a peace treaty between Mu‘awiya and the Byzantines. However, before the treaty expired, Mu‘awiya set out on a campaign toward Byzantine territory. The intention was not to engage in battle during the peace period but to prepare for war once the treaty had expired. At that moment, a man on horseback arrived, exclaiming: “How astonishing! It is not about breaking agreements; it is about honoring them!” This man was none other than ‘Amr ibn ‘Abasah. When asked what he meant, he explained, “I heard the Messenger of Allah (saw) say: ‘If a people have made a treaty, they must neither break it nor dissolve it until its term ends, or until they have informed the other party of its termination. They must not take unilateral action without mutual agreement.’” Upon hearing this, the entire army turned back from the campaign (Abu Dawud, Jihad, 152). This remarkable sensitivity, strong enough to halt an entire army, was rooted in honesty, courtesy, loyalty to agreements, and above all, the desire to adhere to the sunnah of the Messenger of Allah (saw).
Loving the creation for the sake of the Creator: viewing existence through the lens of mercy and courtesy
Courtesy is not a weakness that undermines a person’s endurance or humiliates them in the eyes of others. On the contrary, it is a virtue that elevates an individual in the eyes of people, increasing their dignity and respect. In other words, the superficial happiness promised by popular culture can only be transformed from a mundane and profane existence into a deeper, more meaningful dimension when a person expresses the mercy embedded within their own soul.
This broad perspective, one that seeks a delicate soul and profound meaning even in material things, and highlights the aesthetic dimension in everything, is a powerful step toward cultivating an awareness of eternal happiness. This understanding teaches us that courtesy should not be limited to human interactions but should also extend to animals, nature, and even inanimate objects. In essence, every act of kindness is a means of seeking Allah’s pleasure, an effort to have our names recorded in His exalted presence, and a testament before the Kiraman Katibin angels of our sincerity as righteous servants. Undoubtedly, every good deed serves as a manifestation of Allah’s attribute of beauty on earth, allowing divine mercy and compassion to take shape in this world.
When even Pharaoh was to be warned with gentle words (Ta-Ha, 20:44), how can we possibly justify our rudeness and lack of courtesy toward our spouses, daughters, and sisters in the presence of Allah? Not only is it forbidden to be disobedient to our parents, but we are also commanded to approach them with utmost courtesy and respect, obeying them in all matters as long as they do not lead us toward wrongdoing or disbelief (‘Ankabut, 29:8). Then, what excuse can there be for treating them with harshness or causing them distress? The Blessed Prophet (saw) placed great emphasis on courtesy and respect. He warned: “Satan has lost hope that he will ever be worshiped again in these lands—the lands of Islam. However, he still takes pleasure in your offensive and discourteous behavior toward one another.” (Ibn Hanbal, Musnad, 2/368). With these words, he made us aware of the delicate path that the Muslim society is treading on. The Prophet (saw) also stated: “Kindness is not to be found in anything but that it adds to its beauty and it is not withdrawn from anything but it makes it defective.” (Muslim, Birr, 78- 79) As his ummah, we now face a crucial decision: Will we choose beauty, or will we allow ourselves to fall into defective practices?
The essence of the matter
Courtesy is a moral attitude and a state of virtue that encompasses overcoming anger, restraining oneself against base desires, avoiding offensive jokes and behavior, and exercising wisdom. It is a reflection of Allah’s attribute Latif (The Subtle, The Kind) in His servants, manifesting through gentleness, grace, and tolerance. Courtesy is the very value embodied in the Prophet’s (saw) guidance, where he encouraged us to blend knowledge with tranquility and dignity (Abu Hamid al[1]Ghazali, Sulwat al-‘Arifin, DKI, Beirut, 2011, 2/91).
