Our Prophet pointed out that it was a natural necessity to laugh and have fun within marriage, which is supposed to be a physical and spiritual union. To have a compatible and sustainable marriage, it is important to strive to find a perfect fit as much as the conditions allow. Although the Messenger of Allah (saw) appears to address only males, his advice and warnings are universal and apply to both sexes. Our Prophet, by saying, “Be selective regarding the person you will marry; and marry (your daughters) to compatible ones,” (IM1968, Ibn Majah, Nikah, 46) indicates that compatibility and harmony between spouses are important factors for sustaining a marriage. Compatibility can depend on the level of social status, family, education, and financial well-being of the spouses. Compatibility in marriage is recommended, assuming that it provides the necessary background for a tranquil and harmonious family environment. For example, if one of the spouses had grown up in an affluent family and obtained a good education, and the other partner had grown up in a poor family, did not receive a good education, and began to work for a livelihood at an early age, that might create some resentment among the couple. In order to have respect, trust, and acceptance in marriage, it is necessary to take the compatibility and equality of the spouses into consideration. This is because our Prophet, in his Farewell Pilgrimage, said: “O people! Beware! Your Lord Allah is one.
Your father is one. There is no superiority of Arabs to non-Arabs, whites to blacks, or blacks to white. The superiority is about piety.” (HM23885, Ibn Hanbal, V, 411) Our beloved Prophet warned those who leave aside essential values and are attracted by transient features in choosing a spouse as follows: “Don’t marry women due to their beauty. Their beauty could be the reason for their destruction (may lead them to go astray). Don’t marry them due to their wealth either. Their wealth may lead them to commit sin. But marry them because of their piety. A pious black concubine whose nose is cut and ear is pierced, for example, can be more virtuous than the others.” (IM1859, Ibn Majah, Nikah, 6) The same is true for men’s piety. One day, our Prophet said to the Companions, “When someone whose piety and morality you like comes to ask the hand of your daughter for marriage, marry her to him. If you do not do so, sedition and corruption would prevail on the earth.” When those who were present said, “O Messenger of Allah! What if that person is not equal to the girl?” Our Prophet repeated three times, “When someone whose piety and morality you like comes to ask the hand of your daughter for marriage, marry her to him,” (T1085, Tirmidhi, Nikah, 3) and indicated that the criterion of piety was essential, and the other characteristics could become significant with piety. The verse of the Noble Qur’an, “Wicked women are for wicked men, and wicked men are for wicked women. And virtuous women are for virtuous men, and virtuous men are for virtuous women.” (Nur, 24:26) indicates that good morality and clean life are essential in marriage, and that people could be equal on those grounds. In like manner, the verse “A male fornicator would only marry a female fornicator or idolatress. And a female fornicator would only be married to a fornicator or idolater. This is (all) forbidden to the believers.” (Nur, 24:3) emphasizes that dignity and morality are essentials of marriage.
In the verse, “Do not marry polytheistic women until they believe; for a believing slave-woman is better than a free polytheist, even though she may look pleasant to you. And do not marry your women to polytheistic men until they believe, for a believing slave-man is better than a free polytheist, even though he may look pleasant to you. They invite (you) to the Fire while Allah invites (you) to Paradise and forgiveness by His grace. He makes His revelations clear to the people so perhaps they will be mindful.” (Baqarah 2:221), it is repeatedly emphasized that it is not permissible to marry them as long as they do not believe in Allah (swt), even if they possess high social status, great wealth, or extraordinary beauty. On the question of marrying women of the People of the Book (ahl al-kitab), the Holy Qur’an says, “Today all good, pure foods have been made lawful for you. Similarly, the food of the People of the Book is permissible for you and yours is permissible for them. And (permissible for you in marriage) are chaste believing women as well as chaste women of those given the Scripture before you—as long as you pay them their dowries in wedlock, neither fornicating nor taking them as mistresses.” (Ma’idah, 5:5) Therefore, as with Muslim women, it is obvious that dignity is also the most important criterion for Jewish and Christian women.
Allah the Exalted, with the verse, “And one of His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find comfort in them. And He has placed between you compassion and mercy. Surely in this are signs for people who reflect.” (Rum, 30:21) states that having a spouse is a natural need, and a marriage that satisfies this need should be built upon love and compassion. Our Prophet encouraged marriage as reflected in his statements to ‘Ali, “O ‘Ali! Don’t postpone three things: prayer when the time comes; burial of the dead when the corpse is ready; and marriage of a woman when he finds her a good fit.” (T1075, Tirmidhi, Jana’iz, 73)
Everyone needs compassion and love, and wants to have a wife with whom he wants to overcome the challenges of life and share its beauties. Sometimes one chooses a wife for her beauty, sometimes for her career, sometimes for her fame, and sometimes for her piety and good morality. There is no doubt that these are all important features. Everyone has their own taste, preference, and ideals, and makes their decisions accordingly, in different stages of their life. However, in choosing a spouse, which is one of the most critical decisions in one’s life, one needs to prioritize piety and moral virtue. This is because a marriage that prioritizes piety and good morality will bring peace and tranquility to the couple, not only in this life but also in the hereafter. The Holy Qur’an refers to those who are happy in Paradise as follows: “They and their spouses will be in (cool) shade, reclining on (canopied) couches.” (Ya-Sin, 36:56)
