“The Lord’s pleasure is in the parent’s pleasure, and the Lord’s anger is in the parent’s anger.” (Tirmidhi, Birr wa Sila, 3)
When the polytheists of Mecca intensified their assaults against the Prophet (saw) and the Muslims, the Messenger of Allah (saw) traveled to Ta’if to invite the city’s leaders to Islam and seek their support. However, the people of Ta’if turned a deaf ear to the message of guidance; instead, they stoned the Prophet (saw) and his companion Zayd ibn Harithah, injuring their feet with thorns scattered along the roads, and hurled harsh words and insults at them. Following this grievous incident, on his return to Mecca, the Angel Jibril appeared before him and offered to bring down the mountains upon the people of Ta’if to destroy them. Yet, the Prophet (saw) declined this offer. Even in such a state, he was thinking of their guidance and did not curse them (Ibn Hisham, Sirah, II/60–63). However, the very Prophet (saw), who was sent as a mercy to all the worlds and who strove throughout his life never to utter a curse, when it came to the matter of parental rights, made the following severe statement to emphasize the gravity of the issue and to prevent any negligence in this regard: “Let him be humbled into dust; let him be humbled into dust.” It was said: “Allah’s Messenger, who is he?” He said: “He who sees either of his parents during their old age, or he sees both of them, but he does not enter Paradise.” (Muslim, Birr, 9)
The expression of “humbled into dust,” is, in fact, a form of supplication for disgrace and humiliation, essentially a kind of curse (Ibn Hajar, Fath al-Bari, I/124.). While it indeed conveys the meaning of a curse, it also signifies true disgrace in the ultimate sense—namely, being deprived of Paradise due to neglecting kindness and benevolence toward one’s parents. Indeed, whoever shows respect to their parents and earns their approval will also attain the pleasure of Allah the Almighty and will be granted eternal happiness. However, one who fails to recognize the worth and value of their parents and does not gain their approval will likewise be deprived of the pleasure of Allah the Almighty and will face the great loss of being barred from Paradise. For this reason, the Prophet (saw) stated: “The Lord’s pleasure is in the parent’s pleasure, and the Lord’s anger is in the parent’s anger.”
Allah the Almighty states in the Holy Qur’an: “For your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And honor your parents. If one or both of them reach old age in your care, never say to them (even) ‘ugh’, nor yell at them. Rather, address them respectfully.” (Isra, 17:23) With this command, Allah has not only prohibited even the slightest word of offense toward parents but also elevated their status by mentioning their rights immediately after the command to worship Him alone, thus granting them the honor they rightfully deserve. In essence, just as it is a grave wrongdoing in the sight of Allah for a person to deny their Creator or associate partners with Him (shirk), so too is it equally reprehensible to show disrespect and disobedience to one’s parents, those who were the means of their existence in this world and who exerted countless efforts in raising and nurturing them. Both attitudes are, in truth, forms of ingratitude.
In our religion, the value given to parents is clearly evident in both the Qur’anic verses and the hadiths. However, obedience to Allah always takes precedence above all else. Therefore, when it comes to disobedience toward al-Khaliq, even if the command comes from one’s parents, no created being is to be obeyed in such matters. Apart from such exceptional cases, one must, as much as possible, refrain from any words or actions that would hurt or grieve one’s parents. As Muslims, we belong to the nation of the Prophet Ibrahim (as), who addressed his disbelieving father with the utmost courtesy, saying, “O my dear father” (Maryam, 19:42); and we are from the Ummah of the Prophet Muhammad (saw), who regarded caring for elderly parents as more virtuous than jihad (Bukhari, Jihad, 1; Musnad, XI/102). In this light, even if parents are in the wrong on a particular matter, a child has no right to bear a grudge against them or to sever ties with them.
It is with sorrow that we must acknowledge a growing trend in our time: many children, at the very stage of life when their parents need them most, in their old age and frailty, abandon them through acts of disloyalty, leaving them to fend for themselves or placing them in so-called “care homes.” Just as a person who sits atop a chest full of treasure yet suffers in poverty because they never open it is in a pitiable state, so too is the one who abandons their elderly parents and thereby deprives themselves of the pleasure of Allah. Such individuals, prioritizing fleeting worldly pleasures, fail to realize that by leaving their parents to their own devices, they are, in fact, rejecting the key to Paradise that has been offered to them on a golden platter.
It is precisely so that we do not forget this truth that we recite the “Rabbana” supplications in our prayers five times a day, imploring: “My Lord, forgive me, my parents, and all the believers.” Even as one includes this plea in their daily prayers, if they still abandon their parents, leaving them isolated and without support, thereby placing a barrier on the path to Paradise, then without doubt, such a believer would do well to first reexamine their faith, then their character, and finally, their prayer.
